LIFE COACH - MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER
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Have you ever wondered why some people can go from strength to strength in life, and others just seem to have one failure after another.
I don’t know about you but I’m more curious to know how successful people do what they do, than how people fail.
We often look at successful people and think their life looks so perfect on the outside but what we don’t see is all the work they have put in to get them where they are, and all the failure and often tragedy they have overcome, and still get them to where they are today – which brings me to – fragile vs antifragile.
- Fragile – Fragile is something that can be broken easily by external force or stress. Just like some people can be more fragile – both physically and emotionally.
- Robust – You may think that the opposite of fragile is robustness or strength, but just because something is more robust doesn’t mean it won’t break. Just like some people are stronger than others – both physically and mentally.
- Antifragile – Antifragile on the other hand means the more stress you put onto something, the stronger it becomes. The more stress, turmoil and chaos you experience in life the stronger you become – both physically and mentally.
For example when I was sixteen years old I lost my left arm in an accident in my first week of work – 30 years later it is now one of my greatest strengths. It has forced me to be more resilient and allowed me to understand what many of the people I work with are going through. I know what it’s like to suffer trauma, I know what it’s like to experience a life changing event, I know what it’s like for my self-image to change overnight. All these experiences have made me who I am today – and help me relate so often to everyone I work with.
Human beings are antifragile by nature. When you get sick your immune system fights back and your immune system learns and produces antibodies so you are better prepared if you have to fight of the same infection next time.
When your body is put through intense physical exercise, you feel pain in your muscles as your body builds and repairs itself and you grow physically stronger.
The same goes for your mind. When you suffer mental pain through loss, illness or mental health, this pain can lead to personal growth. It was after losing a very close friend of mine that I eventually decided to become a life coach – after I suffered grief and loss I finally realised there was never going to be a perfect time to take action on my dream of becoming a life coach.
“A dream becomes a goal when action is taken toward its achievement.” – Bo Bennett
The good news is you can learn to be more antifragile, by taking full responsibility for where you are in your life now. That’s not to say you blame yourself for any misfortune or suffering you have experienced, but by simply accepting where you are today, and if there are things you want to change then take action and change, because if you don’t, this time next year you will still be exactly where you are right now.
I know from my own life experiences and the experiences of others that the turmoil and chaos we all suffer from, fuels one of your greatest strengths; your innate antifragile nature.
I hope you have found this post helpful, if you would like to find out more on this subject, please check out the book Antifragile by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. Amazon Kindle edition below:
If you would like to work or connect with me please do so from any of the links below.
Take care Robin.
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Do you want to feel more confident, and less anxious, self-conscious and insecure?
Firstly, If I was to write an instruction manual on how to feel anxious, self-conscious and insecure, it would go something like this:
• Step one – Consciously judge and compare yourself with everyone you know, meet or view through news and social media.
• Step two – now you are starting to feel inferior to many of the people, peers, social groups, celebs, role models etc. that you are judging and comparing yourself with, you feel you are not enough, you feel you are incomplete and insecure.
• Step three – now that you are feeling insecure your unconscious mind perceives this as dangerous and life threatening and triggers your Fight or Flight Response (watch my Fight or Flight video here) with unpleasant feelings of anxiety – usually felt in your stomach and/or chest.
To top all of this off they all start to feed off each other – you feel self-conscious because of your anxiety – you feel self-conscious because you feel insecure – you feel insecure because of the unpleasant anxious feelings. My clients often tell me this is like living in a vicious circle.
Living in this vicious circle can seem like it is never going to end. For anyone who can relate to this, you can start to believe there is something fundamentally wrong with you, but you couldn’t be further from the truth.
Nobody is born this way, no babies are born anxious, self-conscious or insecure. It is all learned, a learned behaviour and it can all be unlearned very quickly, once you know how.
One of the quickest things you can do consciously right now, is accept yourself. Accept yourself for who you are right now, and that includes all of your flaws & imperfections – we all have them. Judge less, accept more.
That is not to say you accept everything without wanting to make any changes in your life. No, start from a place of acceptance and then start to work on the changes you want to make, whether that is exercising more, eating healthier, loosing weight, or working on your relationships with other people and the one you have with yourself. And you can do all of this without feeling anxious, self-conscious or insecure.
When you accept yourself whole heartedly, you no longer have anything to feel self-conscious and insecure about, and the feelings of anxiety no longer have something to feed from – there is then space for your confidence to grow.
I can help you overcome all of these feelings, and most often, quickly and easily. I work by making changes in your deeper unconscious mind, this is where all of our feelings and emotions are triggered from.
Why work with me?
Because I was once an anxious, self-conscious and insecure young man. And it is by using the same techniques that I use in my coaching sessions, that I’m now free from all these feelings and which has allowed my confidence to grow.
I know what it feels like to be anxious, self-conscious and insecure – if you are someone who suffers from this – you are suffering needlessly!
Here is my testimonials page: http://robingeddes.co.uk/testimonials
Please feel free to get in touch for more information or to book a session.
I work 1-2-1 locally or by FaceTime/Skype.
One of the main reasons so many of us don’t step outside of our comfort zone is fear. Fear of failure, fear of being rejected, fear of not being enough and even fear of success; if I’m successful can I handle it? Remember this though – everyone else experiences fear too. Even the ones who appear to have it all are afraid of losing it all. Like their wealth, money or material possessions – or are afraid of getting old and hold on to their youth, until their health decides otherwise.
Fear maybe holding you back from stepping outside of your comfort zone. Like changing career, going for that job promotion, starting your own business or it could be just going to the gym or taking that exercise class for the first time.
You may experience fear based emotions like anxiety, worrying and self-doubt. But you know what is worse? Regret. Not following your dreams and doing all the things that you most want to do. This can lead to feeling like you are living an unfulfilled life – existing instead of living – same old shit just a different day!
“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.” – Les Brown
I know from personal experience that the thing I fear doing most, is usually the thing that I most need to do.
For example, here are some of my fears I have had to overcome and some of my internal dialogue at the time —
- Training to be a life coach – What if I fail the course? What will other people think?
- My first coaching client – What if I can’t help her? What if everything I have learned doesn’t work?
- Public Speaking – What if I freeze on stage? What if I forget my words? What if they can see how nervous I am?
Of course, most of this never happened.
My training course to become a Life Coach turned out to be one of the best experiences I have ever had. I have helped people overcome anxiety, depression, panic attacks, addiction and low self-esteem. Helping and guiding them to live the life they are most capable of. I now help children as young as 8 years old overcome the same things that many adults are struggling to deal with. I don’t say this to boast, I share it with you because if I had given into my fears and just lived inside of my comfort zone, all of this would have remained inside of me as hopes, dreams and ideas. Leaving me unfulfilled and living a life of regret and mediocrity. More importantly, I would never have had the opportunity to help all those I have worked with.
My first coaching client suffered from anxiety and panic attacks while going to the Supermarket. The following day after her session she visited the Supermarket – completely free from her anxiety!
My public speaking is still a work in progress, I did freeze on stage, I did forget my words but just got on with it and received more positive feedback than I could have ever imagined. It is, becoming easier every time I stand on stage. The sweating and shaking is now gone. The nerves are still there but I know this too will pass with time.
We all have different beliefs; one person’s political or religious beliefs will be different from the next persons. Some beliefs work for us and some don’t. One person may believe they can achieve anything and the next may belief they are a failure. Are they facts or truths?? No, they are just beliefs. A fact can be proved true. For example, it is a fact that Mars is the fourth planet from the sun. I know the sun rises every morning and sets every evening. Fact and truth.
I’m sure you have heard of the saying; if you believe you can, or if you believe you can’t then you are most probably right!
If you believe you won’t win that job promotion, or you believe you can’t progress further in your career, well chances are you won’t.
Beliefs are very powerful and influence how our lives play out. They are like a lens we look through and filter many of the decisions we make every day.
Most of our beliefs are deep routed in our unconscious mind. Trying to change them consciously can be a bit like trying to shift a boulder with a tooth pick!
Limiting Beliefs can be changed – Ask yourself; is this belief I have the truth? Is it limiting me from where I want to be? Can I change it? Is it limiting me from showing up each day as the best version of myself?
We all feel discomfort when stepping outside of our comfort zones, but anxiety and panic attacks do not need to be part of it – changing fear based emotions and limiting beliefs is often the quickest and easiest things that we can learn to overcome.
During a session, I help change any fears or limiting beliefs that are holding you back – AND teach you the skills and techniques that I use, so it’s something you will always have. Helping you to be prepared for whatever life may throw at you.
For more information on how I can help please contact me at the following:
Mobile: 07889 031012
Overthinking can be like having an unwanted roommate running around inside your head – the incessant chitter chatter of the monkey mind.
First lets ask, how many thoughts does the average person have in a day?
Research has found that the average person has approximately 60,000 thoughts a day. What is more surprising, the same research found that 80% of them are negative and 95% are the same ones we had yesterday!
Whatever way you look at it, there is far too much negative repetitive thinking going on with too many of us every day.
No other life on this planet thinks like we do, or are conscious of time like we are.
Most of our thinking requires time, psychological time, the ability to recall yesterday to prepare for tomorrow. But it will only ever be NOW; the present moment.
We can never return to the past or travel to the future, but we can do by thinking about it, this is psychological time.
Depressive style of thinking, is thinking about the past because of built up anger, resentment, grief, guilt or shame. Anyone who suffers from anxiety has a perceived fear of the future.
If you are experiencing any problems in your life as you are reading this now, I almost guarantee that it will either involve something in the past or something in the future—our thinking problems need time—psychological time.
If you have a problem that needs dealt with now, deal with it now. But if you are at home thinking about problems at work, or at work thinking about problems at home, the only way we can keep these problems in your mind is to THINK about them.
No amount of ruminating about the past is going to change anything. The past is where it belongs. Learn, forgive, let go.
If you have to prepare for something in the future; then prepare. Worrying about potential problems is pointless if they are never actually going to happen, and robbing you of life’s joys that are happening now.
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” – Mark Twain.
How then can we tame this monkey mind, how can we put him back in his cage and quieten the chatter and internal dialogue?
What many of us try to do is fix our thinking problems with the same level of thinking that created our thinking problems and that’s when we can end up digging a deeper and deeper whole for ourselves.
To put it another way, we try to use the Monkey to fix our thinking problems, when the Monkey IS the problem!
Our thinking mind makes a wonderful tool but a terrible master.
The best thing you can do is think less, do something else, anything. Don’t sit and dwell on things. Go for walk, go to the gym, read a book, visit or call a friend, anything to get your mind off it.
There are times when our mind naturally becomes quiet, for example;
You know when you are trying to solve a problem and the more you think about it, the further away answer becomes. Then after a night’s sleep when you first wake in the morning or when you’re in the shower and you have that aha moment, like a lightbulb moment and the answer is then there that you have been seeking for so long. This happens because of less thinking, not more.
When your mind is quiet there is then space for your innate wisdom, insight and intuition to shine through.
Things that work quickly to help quieten your thinking mind are; exercise, walking, meditation and hypnosis.
Through my coaching work I find myself helping children, teenagers and adults who are suffering from the effects of overthinking.
Overthinking can be at the root cause of depression, anxiety, stress, worrying or feeling insecure and self-conscious.
For more information on how I can help please contact me at the following:
What is social anxiety?
Anxiety is our bodies way of ringing a fire alarm for a fire that might happen, but never does.
Our anxious behaviour happens unconsciously, from our unconscious mind, this is why we feel like we never have any control over it.
The primary role of our unconscious mind is to look after us; to protect the body.
Why do we get anxious ?
Anxiety is something we learn to do, nobody is born anxious, you never see babies suffering from anxiety while learning to walk. What happens overtime as we grow up, is that we learn our anxious behaviour from our life experiences and environment. What happens is our unconscious mind gets confused and thinks it is protecting us from a perceived danger.
For example lots of people suffer from anxiety who do any form of public speaking, and it’s the unconscious mind’s way of protecting us from the perceived danger of what could go wrong, like forgetting or stumbling our words, or all of these people looking at me etc.
Then what happens is we give in to our anxiety, and we avoid the things that make us feel anxious. But then what can often happen is our anxiety starts to creep into other more basic areas of our daily lives, like social engagements, flying or even just going to the supermarket.
How can we overcome anxiety?
First we need to ask what we want instead of anxiety? And this is normally we want want to feel more relaxed and confident.
When I’m working with a client who suffers from anxiety, we look for an area in their life where they feel relaxed and confident, this can be something like a hobby or a sport, or even just out walking on the beach or spending time with family.
I then make changes in the unconscious mind to replace the anxious response with the more desired response of confidence and relaxation.
The changes I make happen quickly and easily.
If you suffer from anxiety, you are suffering needlessly.
Overcome your anxiety and book a session with me NOW.
Sessions can be carried out one to one, or via Skype or FaceTime.
For more information or if you would like to work or connect with me, please feel free to contact me via messenger or on any of the links below.